UpHapPiNeSs FeELs My HeArT

very tired.. think i realli nd to slp 4eva to replace the time tat i awake.. realli always not enough slp.. always yawn.. haix.. but when i wanna slp, i cant slp.. i think alot of things.. if slp liao, oso will suddenly awake sometime.. i realli cant slp well.. mayb some ppl noe y ba..

today got IPPT but i not involve.. mayb i realli can promote soon. i not sure.. but hope so.. next month,  den i will be one year soldier liao.. after tat month, den my birthday coming.. i realli scare tat day to come.. i wan sep to come but not oct.. i scare will be a sad birthday again.. every yr. my birthday is not a happy one.. will tis one be happy? i dun think so.. til tis day, i still not happy lik the past lik tat..

jus hope everyone are happy.. onli my heart noe how i feel.. onli my heart noe the pain.. onli my heart noe how sad am i.. no one noe.. ppl ard me happy can liao.. mayb i realli seems lik a clown ba.. a clown who make ppl laugh but sad in the heart..

tis week realli no peace.. i today den can go home.. sun got guard duty.. until today den can go home.. den i no money for 2 days.. cos hav to pay $40 for the taiwan exercise in march.. den camp no atm.. no money.. den after tat got ppl say sir goin to catch ppl who bring illegal stuffs.. diao.. they say cant bring psp.. diao.. den i hav to ask my bunk mate to hide.. sian.. yester and today hav to clean toilet.. the toilet already cant make it liao lo.. den tat sir purposely wan me to clean until very clean lo.. he thot can make it shiny ah.. impossible lo.. diao.. den we keep cleaning for 2 days dunno for wat.. if not clean, he wanna let us confine on sat.. wat a sir he is.. angry la.. tml still got parade den hav to wake up at 6.. sian.. nvm.. jus hope tis week past faster.. very stress la..

today go to my staff sergeant house.. see his one month old daughter.. so cute..feel lik hugging her.. but better not.. later drop den i die.. tml not goin to run for the AHM liao.. i got guard duty tml so hav to go back camp to do.. but ppl run finish can go home liao.. i still hav to do until mon, den mon hav to work.. no nd to go back.. tues den go back.. sian.. still very no mood..

sometime realli feel very sad.. searching for my happiness.. when can i feel happiness. so sad.. i can onli feel hurt now..

think i realli sing not gd.. if i realli sing no gd, can tell me.. i jus always trying my best to sing gd..today i go sing but my throat not feeling gd.. den is kbox.. the mic always got prob.. in the end, ppl think i sing not gd and make the song turn bad.. lik i destroy the songs.. my throat not feeling gd not i wan one.. i try my best to sing well liao.. but nvm.. i always noe i sing not very gd.. i noe i jus bad.. ppl jus wanna hurt me.. i jus dunno y.. haix.. jus hope ppl ard me happy can liao.. let me receive all the sadness ba

y i am always the one being hurt? realli no one will treasure me? or i jus not gd enough? i jus lik someone who will always get hurt by others.. jus dunno y.. i feel i jus a nobody in everyone hearts.. lies are everywhere.. i jus hate lies.. can ppl dun hurt me anymore?? sad.. y i happy, den in the end, sure will hav something to make me sad.. not i lik to sad.. is jus sad things jus lik to aim me.. nvm.. i will try to be happy..

i jus noe my luck no gd.. i can onli say lik tat.. the AHM is on tis Sunday.. hope i can run until the finish line.. recently so many ppl sad.. even i oso sad.. i dunno how to encourage them but jus hope no matter wat, all pls stay happy..

and hope ppl can dun lie to me anymore.. i cant take lies liao.. i rather wan ppl tell me the truth.. at least i wont be so sad and i will understand sometime.. if keep hiding from me, i will be crazy and angry one.. so ppl.. pls understand and dun lie to me..

still got ppl sick.. mus take care and recover faster..

GOD SEEMS LIK TO FOOL ME.. mayb my past life did too much bad things.. tis life do good things oso can repay back the bad doings in my past life.. HAIX

AHM (Army Half Marathon) coming soon.. hav to run 21 km.. i not a gd runner.. but they say all combat fit soldier all hav to run.. i mayb combat fit but i not a FLASH tat can run alot lo.. 5km is ok.. 21 km is crazy.. but i think no one will run for 21km oso.. i think i will walk and run, walk and run.. yester watch "The American Haunting".. is a show tat is very confusing and no meaning.. i watch until goin to end den noe wat happen.. i think is PG so they cut alot of scenes until the meaning of the movie is gone. so ppl. dun watch.. wasting of money and time.. not very scary oso.. think i shld start create my movie called "The Singapore Haunting" better.. at least i noe how to scare ppl den them.. oh i become the victim and let ghost scare me.. WAH.. I VERY SCARE WOR..

i think wat i say all no link.. sorry.. i think i crazy liao.. too much things to fan me.. sometime i cant concentrate.. i always dun slp well, dun slp long.. wat happen to me.. something wrong wid me? stress and sad cause me lik tat? i dunno.. i jus noe life hav to go on..

still sick.. sore throat.. every night still din slp well.. still very tired everyday.. eat medicine dun seems got work.. dunno wat to do.. 3 days le.. still sick.. the sore throat dunno y dun go away.. everynight feel lik i fever.. feel my whole body very hot.. but actualli no fever.. dunno wat happen.. nvm.. jus wait and see wat will happen.. mayb one day i will jus collapse on the street oso no one noe..

yester is a sad day.. i very no mood.. even go out. .oso not happy.. din tok much.. haix.. i go compass point but when jus reach there.. a group of gals suddenly approach me.. thot wat they wan.. in the end, 2 gals ask me to help them buy cigarettes.. after tat i reject them.. cos they in sch uniform and underage.. i jus went off.. my frenz say tat i look lik ah beng so they approach me.. no link lo.. mayb realli look lik ah beng.. but i dunno.. i onli noe if realli look ah beng, my character dun look lik lo.. i jus din wear spec den bcome ah beng meh. no link.. i wear spec den ppl say i decent or nerd. dun wear ppl say i ah beng. den wat i wan to do.. i jus wanna be myself..

no matter wat, i jus hate gals who smoke.. especially gals still study in sec and underage.. are all gals change liao.. all change bad already? no gd gals in tis world liao ma.. jus dun lik gals who smoke.. guys oso..

think recently din slp well and din slp alot.. now goin fall sick liao.. sore throat liao.. haix.. still sad.. haix.. tml still hav to run 14 km at pasir ris park.. dunno wil faint or not.. haix.. but dun care liao. run den run.. faint den faint.. i oso not realli care..

y cant i jus happy always.. everything wanna make me fan. make me sad.. i jus noe i very heartbreak.. let me die ba.. to ppl i may seems ok and funny.. in my heart, i still very sad.. but who noe? who will noe tat i very depress? i jus wanna ppl ard me to be happy, i jus wanna ppl to be happy and not sad lik me.. sad is very tong ku so i dun wan ppl to sad oso.

i will try to let the whole world be happy.. one more ppl happy, is one less ppl sad.. dun let anyone sad wid me.. the sad in my heart mayb wont ever cure..

hope everyone in tis world will happy.. hope every couple can be together 4eva..