UpHapPiNeSs FeELs My HeArT

tonight go out wid frenz to orchard. very sian.. jus walk walk. but i look at a lot of couple holding hands happily. i realli very sad. think of the past relationship i had.. i realli sad.. i treat ppl so gd but y dun they treasure me? i love her so much, she in the end still lie to me, break promise.. til now, she still din call me alot.. still tok awhile den hang liao.. haix.. y my life lik tat.. i dunno.. haix.. i jus think i no use.. even she go meet guys, i oso cant stop.. haix. to her, i am not important anymore.. i jus a normal fren to her. jus a fren tat she will jus call and tok for awhile. haix. i may look lik nth happen when i wid my frenz but in my heart, no one wil noe how sad and hurt i am.. haix.

i today go watch "the chinese tall story" or "qin tian da shen".. very funny and touching movie. haiz.. tis is the first movie i ever watch until drop tears.. mayb it say everything tat i feel.. got one part it say tat he regret he miss the chance to be wid tat gal. the gal do so much for him, treat him very gd but he din cherish and treasure. when the gal goin to die for him, den he realise tat he miss the chance to be together wid him. he regret he din treat the gal very gd, din love her but keep scolding her and wanna leave her alone..  when he regret, is too late liao.. the gal is dying for him.

mayb i dunno how to say tat complete story but i noe one thing.. please treasure and cherish the person who love u and care for u alot.. the person do alot of things for u but mayb u treat the things him or her do for granted. you mayb hurting the one who love u alot. dun wait until the person goin to leave u den u start regret. it will be too late liao.. lik me.. i treat her so well, care for her alot.. but how she treat me? haix.. there will be no other guy loving her so much, treat her so good. mayb i think of the things in the past wid her and how she treat me now, den my tears drop when i watching the movie. she jus take the things i done for granted. i can say not alot of ppl can treat her so gd one.

i onli noe i now very sad.. i treat everyone good but who cherish me, who treasure me? i onli noe ppl will take for granted if i treat them good.. haiz.. y always lik tat.. be a gd guy wrong? or easy to let ppl bully? mayb i turn bad better? or i jus being alone and dun care abot anyone? haiz. y always im the one who hurt? i treat ppl gd, no one will appreciate. haiz.

is yester christmas eve.. i not at home so cant write.. i jus wake up.. merry christmas to everyone who read my blog.. i still hate christmas.. i actualli dun hav the mood to celebrate.. but still ok if got ppl around to celebrate wid me.. but i still hate christmas. yester go orchard den walk.. go find a lot of cinema but cant find any show to watch.. all are fully book.. haiz.. den after tat, go to east coast.. stay there until morning.. but most of the time, i am slping.. den after tat rain very heavily.. i reach home around 6.30 and my body are wet. tats all for christmas.. A no gifts christmas..

today i go to MP camp.. i dunno i wil be selected for the oversea thing but i realli dun wan to go.. my heart still feels very hurt and sad when i saw her msn nick is Maple rawks.. haiz.. i jus feel i nth.. everyone ask me not to leave them.. friends even will ask me not to go, and think of way to help me not to go.. but her, din even say ath.. mayb i still expect something from her.. she dun even care.. haiz. mayb i realli love the wrong person? mayb tis is the time i realli shld let go everything liao.. the gal i love in the past will nv be back.. now is the gal who will always hurt me everytime. in the past, she is my angel but now, she is different already.. the feeling she gave me is not love anymore.. i cant feel ath.. she wont change back. she wont treat me very gd anymore.. the one who always treat me very gd, love me and care for me alot will nv be back. i shld face the fact.. haiz. everything around me keep on making me stress and sad.. haiz. i goin crazy soon. i rather die better.. i thot i always making ppl happy.. now, all are sad bcos of me.. haiz.. i no use..

tml hav to go back to camp.. i on leave leh.. haiz.. dunno go camp for the oversea thing.. i goin to complain abot it.. hope i no nd to go.. haiz..

today very sian.. whole day do nth.. onli eat.. i thot cant go home but can.. duno wat to write.. very sian.. tml mornin book in again.. haiz..

haiz.. today i book in to kranji camp.. the first thing i noe is i will be posted to either Australia or Taiwan camp in March and duration is 1 year.. haiz.. y i so bad luck.. haiz.. i realli dun wan to go, i wan to stay wid my family and i miss all the frenz.. haiz.. i dun wan to be alone.. being lonely for 1 year.. mayb everything will change in 1 year.. mayb come back, all frenz will dunno me.. the ppl i love will go for other guys. haiz.. i dun wan to go.. but think i hav no choice but to go.. already so much stress liao. now still happen tis thing.. i realli no use..

haiz.. already no mood liao. now still hav to book in to new camp. hav to make new frenz.. hav to adapt to army life again.. i will not update my blog for a week.. mayb fri will tell u all more abot my life in kranji camp.. haiz.. i jus dunno wat to write.. i jus noe i still sad.. i still heartbreak.. nth will nv be the same again.. wat has done were done.. the scar in my heart will no longer be healed..

no one will noe how i feel.. haix.. even i go home, still hav to quarrel wid my sis.. no place is for me, no ppl noe me.. i jus feel lik dying..dun live in tis world better.. i realli give up my life.. who wan to take away my life, jus take.. family, relationship and army.. everything gave me stress.. y my life lik tat.. i always treat everyone around me well but y? is treat ppl good, everyone take advantage on me.. is treat ppl good, ppl will start not to treasure me.. is treat ppl good, ppl will start to bully me.. i dun wan to care abot ath.. i jus cont wid my sad and sorrow life.. nth can make me happy again.. i will sad for my whole life.. i will still pretend tat im fine in front of everyone.. my heart will still cont bleed, my heart will still cont lies on a pool of blood.. my heart will always had a scar tat will nv heal 4eva..